Is God real? I've been asking myself this question for over a decade now (I'm 20, so well over half my life). I still remember the first time I seriously asked myself that question.
Let me paint a picture. This was me in the 1st grade, curious about the world but never sceptical about any of the explanations I got, very much on the naive end of the spectrum. I was, in every way that mattered, religious. Why? Well, my parents prayed, so I did. My school asked me to, so I just did. I was appreciated for it, so I never bothered to stop and question what I was doing.
Fast forward a little over a year, and now I'm about to finish my 2nd grade, filled to the brim with new ideas about space, planets, stars, moons, different animals, planets, diseases, disasters and just about everything you'd want a kid that age to know about. I was still religious, I prayed and went to temples, the whole nine yards. That particular day in the morning assembly, when everybody was chanting slokas, I had other things on my mind, so I kept mute. My class teacher came by and told me to get on with the prayers; I nodded a yes and continued being quiet. She came a second time, pulled me aside and asked me what my problem was?
Something in me broke; I had no problem, I never had a problem, but it left me wondering, is the concept of an Almighty so fragile that I, a 2nd grader with no real need for supernatural intervention, needed to pray out loud EVERY SINGLE morning? Or do I need to renew his blessings for every wake cycle? Why am I required to speak to him in Sanskrit? I can understand English; undoubtedly, so could he? Is God even real?
For some reason, this stuck with me. I started asking friends, parents and strangers, Why do you pray? What are you getting out of it? People told me it was for their wishes to come true, and some (my mom) told me it was just to express gratitude for the appreciable things in life. But surely, you can't magically get good grades without putting in efforts, and if it's your efforts that have fruited, shouldn't you thank yourself?
For the first time ever, I was a sceptic, and I loved it. I loved listening to others and discussing such a deep topic with people; I loved drinking up their answers and spinning my own conclusions out of them. But my question was unanswered, and I was hell-bent on getting the answer.
People (mostly my dad) told me how God was responsible for the creation of the universe, but wait, I know a small "Did you know?" box in my 2nd-grade science textbook that begged to disagree, The Big Bang is what started the universe. Much like any other kid that age, I found myself fascinated by space, the prehistoric era, and dinosaurs, and the more I read about them, the more convinced I was that God had no hand in creating all this.
By the end of 4th grade, I had become an avid atheist. I tried to convince as many people as possible that God isn't real; it's all a hoax! And the deceitful nature of saints and gurus attached to temples just fuelled my case. My final conclusion was this,.
The concept of God is a placeholder for when people wondered about the universe's origin.
Too harsh? I agree but I spent almost fives years, believing and advocating this idea. I've changed since then and honestly I was going to jot down my entire journey but it's too long, I've split it into God knows (😗) how many parts. The point is this isn't the end.
Until next time :)
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