Why I want to become religious at 20 years old.

Alright, a quick recap. Teacher made a scene, I went down a spiral. Is God real? Boom, an Atheist in 2nd grade; years went by, life started getting out of control, became a hypocrite. Boom, now an Agnostic with a burning hatred for religious practises and the industry built around it. This is what I believed in, 

Religious practices are unnecessary, and they make you vulnerable to exploitation.

Now, when I say religious practices, I don't just mean a money-sucking astrologer or a tip-seeking saint; I mean EVERYTHING. If I woke up to incense sticks with some Chalisa running in the background, I'd think it was unnecessary; of course, at that point in my spiritual journey, I didn't see a need to make a ruckus out of it. I was Agnostic after all.

Religion is a man-made division built around how people choose to relate themselves to God.

Although this is true, there is no way around it. The notion of humanity is the only linking factor among people, which is why different cultures all across the globe have some belief in a higher power. Still, the way it's enacted is influenced by how those people live. How can a society with no forest of its own worship a heroic tale set in a forest? And if an entire society's culture depends on a forest, how can we ever expect those two to see eye to eye? 

We often forget that the internet and radio technology are barely a century old, and the trade of ideas and culture was something only a few people got to experience. Right now, we live in a world that's interconnected with each other. I can speak to and participate in traditions in places that I will never visit in my lifetime. However, my outlook on these traditions will depend on my own. 

Practising tolerance and empathy will lead the world to a spiritual equilibrium. 

I digress. But yeah, these were my views on religion. 

I was circling around the need for God, but it took me a while to land on it. My 2nd year in college was nothing but a disaster; everything that could go wrong went wrong, and I struggled to justify feeling hopeful for the future. It was in that turmoil that I realised the necessity of faith. 

Not God, but faith. 

You see, most of us spend the first decade and a half following a simple schedule. Wake up, go to school, do something more, hang out with friends, sleep and repeat. It's hard to feel out of control, and it's hard for things to go terribly wrong because not a lot of outside variables could change how your day-to-day life is. But that slowly changes as you grow older and drastically changes when you reach college. Unless you're at the creamy top, you'd be sharing control of your future with variables that don't bother introducing themselves to you. So naturally, to feel hope, you'd need to believe or have faith that these variables will act in your favour. 

God is the manifestation of your faith. 

If you have faith in yourself, you are your own God. If you have faith in good deeds, then 'those deeds circling back to you', or 'Karma', is your God. 

As long as you have faith, God is real. God was never the answer to the universe's origin but rather the answer to what should I have faith in? Isn't that beautiful? 

Humans have this need for control, and as you grow older, you find that control starts diminishing, and in its place, you end up having faith that a higher power controls the universe in your favour. It's part of the formula to feeling hopeful, and hope is what drives you forward in life.

Great! Beautiful! But you can't just wake up one day and start believing. It's not possible to reason your way into such a fundamental habit. That's where religion comes in.

Having faith is a challenging task; it's abstract and nonsensical. But so are religious practices. It's hard for a beginner to simply act on faith, but it comes naturally to someone who has scaled mountains in the pursuit of practising faith. 

Religious practises are the roadmap to building a habit of having faith.

And once you peel away the seemingly nonsensical part, you'll realise that these practices are designed to help your mental and physical well-being. 

Is prayer, not meditation? Is going to Sabarimala not a yearly trek? Aren't incense sticks something you'd want to wake up to? Is Ramadan not a yearly fast and a super-effective dopamine detox? Is Diwali not an excuse to reconnect with one's family? 

I want to take part in religion now. But I have so much time to cover up for. It's ironic that I ended up where I started. But if it takes me twelve more years to reach another point of spiritual clarity, I'd gladly go about that road. In fact, I implore people to figure these things out by themselves, because the exploitation within religion is still true, and the only way out of it is tolerance, empathy and introspection. 

If you'd notice, discrimination against each other, against women, cultural prejudices and all the other questionable practices aren't a necessity for you to be spiritual. If it harms, why have it? After all, faith and the habit of it is what you're striving for; why bring down others?

I'm still young, and although I'm confident I've hit the jackpot, I'm still open to change. In fact, I'm looking forward to polishing my idealogy.

Hell, I might even start my own religion someday :)